Mood Swings

I used to think the weather was bipolar. Now I realize that it is also the heat and air system in my house. I tend to label people (jokingly) as being bipolar. One minute they’re up, happy, teasing. Then you look again and...sad, grumpy, down. It was so weird to me that people could go from one extreme to another (with or without a mental illness) so quickly.

I experienced it, sort of, today...this evening. I was happy today, surprising myself and others I’m sure with my bounciness. At one point I got really silly, laughing at things that, thought not horrible, were not funny. I got very excited over ice cream (yay), and over ripping my CD’s (...) to my mp3 player (cheap, not iPod). And even when I was thinking about school, even doing some, I didn’t get down about it, like I usually do. And then I came back from cheerfully reading the assigned pages of my for-school novel and set up an appointment with my teacher. Okay, not quite as great as before, but still not bad. And then I IMed my sister for whatever reason and thus proceeded a guessing game. Me getting more and more pissed off by the moment and her (unconsciously egging me on) oblivious to how I felt about it. I told her I wasn’t in the mood, she told me to keep guessing. I wracked my brain; I had no clue what it could have been. None at all. She persuaded me (like she often does) to keep guessing, even after I had said “no”. I got very mad at her and told her so. She asked why I was mad at her. I rattled off a list of stuff that was bothering me, but hadn’t really realized it until that moment. She got defensive (naturally), and I ignored her. I sent an IM to another of my best friends (thank God for them) and calmed down and decided that I didn’t hate my sister completely. It wasn’t my sister that had made me angry; she had just sort of set it in motion. I mean yeah, it was incredibly frustrating, but I tend to bottle things up and try to ignore them. Which ends up with me getting upset over not-a-big-deal things.
But, back to the point, I was very cheerful today and then, in a matter of about, oh...15 minutes I was angry and crying (unfortunately yes). Sure, there is an explanation for my unhappiness, somewhat including my sister but not completely; mostly because of some lame things that have been bothering me for quite awhile. But it was weird, the way it happened. I guess you had to be there.

Anyways, so I calmed down and figured out how to solve the stuff that’s bugging me (mostly), and am now going to wash my face and read for a long time and not think.

xoxo –
L


PS. I sincerely hope I did not offend anybody with or knowing someone with bipolar disorder.